Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
