new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
