feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
