i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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