I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
