She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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