so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
