Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
