If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
