In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
