he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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