I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
