the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
How does one acquire holy water?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
