it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
