She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
