i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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