I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I will pee on everything he values.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
