dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
