god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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