Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
