He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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