Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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