dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Vodka?
Forever.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
