just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
