I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
