i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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