I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
