at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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