Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
