I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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