I cut my penus on the lid.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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