Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
