My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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