I showed him my bush... on skype.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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