Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i will never coherently bang her
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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