Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
