the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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