I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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