i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
