When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
