Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
