I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
did i just pee glitter
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
