what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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