i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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