Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
