My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Terrible idea I love it
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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