His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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