do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
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