8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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