2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
