Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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