I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
