Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
