If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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