You're a womanizer and a bitch.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
