another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
